Day 9


As you further read, you’ll begin to understand your self-blame was there at all times, from the initial relationship until the seperation, but why are you feeling this way?

Your internal program is designed in a way to make you over-deliver everything you are involved with; you validate that everyone is satisfied and accommodated, you place everyone’s needs before your own just to make them feel happy, even if it means you’re not.

So with that kind of thought pattern, you automatically and subconsciously take the responsibility for your separation. You see yourself as a failure, as one that can’t hold together the relationship and you ask yourself maybe there was something you could have done to prevent this, maybe if you had invested more of yourself the flame in the relationship would still be lit.

But here is the thing, you and your ex had a different program.

What does that mean?

It means that you and your partner differed in self-beliefs and sometimes that can cause your tracks to become divergent, not in synch. You have your beliefs about everything from relationships to money, health, and government.

Now you see what I mean, there is no one to blame here and it’s nobody fault, you don’t need to blame yourself or your ex even though it’s easier to blame yourself for your situation right now.

As human beings there are a few things that we tend to forget when we are on our journey.

We may find ourselves caught up in the moment and forget the most basic factors, like how everything is temporary, even us.

We forget that we are always a work in progress and that better things are waiting.

We forget that there are no failures, only experiences. There are endless possibilities for us that we just seem to forget.

When a significant relationship ends, you automatically start to blame yourself and play scenarios in your mind about how you could have been a better person and partner.

Action step:

Are you punishing yourself in any way?

● What are the things that you punish yourself for?
● Why are you holding the feelings of shame or blame?
● List five reasons why you believe you are unworthy.
● List five ways that you judge yourself the most for.

Shame and blame can be heavy burdens to carry, affecting our self-esteem, relationships, and overall well-being. It’s important to embark on a journey of releasing shame and blame to experience true healing and self-acceptance.

Here are some strategies to help you in this process:

Recognize and acknowledge shame and blame: Begin by identifying and acknowledging the presence of shame and blame in your life. Understand that these emotions can stem from internalized beliefs, societal expectations, or past experiences. By recognizing their existence, you can start the process of letting them go.

Practice self-compassion: Self-compassion is crucial in releasing shame and blame. Treat yourself with kindness, understanding, and forgiveness. Remind yourself that everyone makes mistakes, and it’s a part of being human. Offer yourself the same compassion you would extend to a loved one facing similar circumstances.

Challenge negative self-talk: Notice the negative self-talk that perpetuates shame and blame. Replace self-critical thoughts with self-empowering and supportive statements. Counteract self-blame with self-compassionat affirmations that reinforce your worthiness and resilience.

Separate actions from self-worth: Understand that your actions and behaviors do not define your inherent worth as a person. Acknowledge that mistakes are opportunities for growth and learning. Embrace the understanding that you can make amends, grow, and move forward.

Practice forgiveness: Forgiveness is a powerful tool in releasing shame and blame. Start by forgiving yourself for any perceived shortcomings, mistakes, or regrets. Understand that forgiveness does not justify actions, but rather allows you to free yourself from the burden of holding onto resentment and self-condemnation.

Focus on personal growth and self-improvement: Shift your focus from dwelling on the past to actively working on personal growth and self-improvement. Set goals, engage in activities that bring you joy, and surround yourself with positive influences. As you invest in your personal growth, you build a foundation of self-confidence and self-acceptance.

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